still here

We're still here. I just needed a time out to spend time with my family and get back to the things that I really value.

I have lots of things to share. But, this will do for now.

face the rear

The AAP updated their guidelines for car seats today. They now suggest that children rear face (look out the back of a car instead of the windshield) until they are 2 years old.

I posted a link to the Chicago Tribune article on Facebook last night. I was shocked at the immediate strong negative reactions. Why are so many moms against safety? People commented that their legs looked smushed and that their kid would have hated it.

Our parents didn't wear seat belts when they were kids. They survived. Is this evidence that seat belts don't work? Should we all demand that the government is crazy for recommending them?

Children's joints are different than adults'. How many times have you seen a kid sleeping in a way that looks completely awkward and uncomfortable? They like small spaces. Their legs will not be broken. (I've heard that there has never been a documented case of a child breaking a leg because they were rear facing. I can't find any proof of this right now though.) Besides, you can fix a broken leg. You can not fix a broken spine.

Just because you survived or your older children survived does not matter.

What should matter is if you were ever in a car accident rear facing keeps your child safer. 5 times safer. While you might be proving a point by switching your child forward facing at a year and 20 pounds, is that really a point worth making? Is the potential of that choice being responsible for killing your child worth it? No one is trying to control you or your child. They're trying to keep your baby safe. In a way that requires no extra money or effort.

Parenting is full of making your kids unhappy. Of not doing the "fun" thing. I think my mom told me when I was about 16 that it was her job to make me unhappy. Her job was to make me safe and unhappy.

Each parent has the right to make their own choice.

Just make it an informed choice.

ready

In case you couldn't tell, we're really excited for spring weather to be here.

Even if it is just for a day.

embrace the camera: march 17

I love that Emily asks us to take a picture with our kids each week. Bear is quite the self centered little kid, and he loves having his picture taken. I love how he's all decked out in his St Patrick's Day gear. I made his shirt, and my mom sent him the green visor. Just Momma and Bear hanging out while Monkey takes his nap.

coming home

When Hubby and I chose to get married, we both knew he was in the military. We both knew that our life together would involve long absences and hard good byes. We were both willing participants in this adventure of being a military family.

Bear and Monkey never got that choice. They never had the option to say "yes it's worth it" or "no I don't think I'm up for the emotional roller coaster". We signed them up. Their life is just as rough as mine is. And, they have no idea about the reasons why Daddy disappears or any real concept of how long he'll be gone.

I worry sometimes about the things we put the boys through. I want someone else to take on that burden for a while. Can't it be someone else's turn for their Daddy to leave?

Lifetime has started a new TV show called Coming Home. You need to watch it. Please spend 15 minutes to see what life is like for these kids. I'm not asking you to send your Hubby away for months; I'm asking for 15 minutes to see what these military kids go through.

best thing

I teach Sunday School for third and fourth graders at our church. This Sunday's lesson was on Matthew 17 and the transfiguration. In the story, God says "This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased" (Matthew 17:5 KJV).

The kids all made signs for the best thing they could hear God say about them. We talked about how God really feels that way about each one of us, and we all have the potential for those signs to be true.

We are the kindest people.

We always try our best.

We are good.

We are loved.

God's compliment was one of the best I've ever heard though. I want to be wanted and loved and make God happy.

What's the best thing anyone could every say about you?

2011: month 2

Two months have gone by since we all made big lists of how our 2011s were going to go. I thought it was time to check in to hold myself accountable and to see how everyone else is doing.

My goals were:

*Read 30 books. I've read 9 so far which makes me 30% of the way there. I'm really hoping to exceed my goal. I go in stages where I devour books and then nothing happens. Well honestly, Facebook and TV happen, but nothing productive happens. I'm glad I've stayed on track so far.

*Be serious with the budget. We went on our huge vacation in February. I've been cutting back and trying to only buy what we need (or really, really want). It's a slow lifestyle change, and that's the kind that's going to stick.

*52 dates. Fail. The only real date we've gone on was on vacation when we ate dinner by ourselves. We do have one scheduled for next Saturday. This is something that I really need to make an effort to improve.

*Be patient. Despite yesterday's huge failure, I feel like I'm making strides to be the mom I want to be. Finding me time and time for my faith have really helped me grow. There will be the screw ups, but that's also a time to show Bear and Monkey that Momma isn't perfect and how to handle the times when you need to say "I'm sorry."

How are you doing in 2011? You still have 10 months to make it happen.

view

in order to get the best view

sometimes you have to do a little work

rough

Yesterday was a rough day. More honestly, 11 am until 11:15 was an excruciating 15 minutes. The kind of 15 minutes that can ruin an entire day.

Bear had gone to a friend's house to play while I had taken Monkey to his tumble class.

Monkey and I went in to get him. He refused to leave. Like no joke bones turned to jello, laying on the floor and screaming.

I tried to be patient with him. I finally got his shoes and coat on and grabbed Monkey. We've just stepped outside when Bear loses it again.

Screaming at me.

In the middle of the street.

In the pouring rain.

I can't just walk away. He's in the middle of the street.

I can't pick him up and carry him. I holding a squirmy Monkey and Bear is thrashing about.

A car starts coming down the street.

So I screamed at Bear. As loud and as harshly as I could.

I told him to get in the car. I told him to stop embarrassing me. I told him he was being hateful and I was done putting up with it.

I strapped them in their car seats and climbed in. And, then I cried. I made my 3 year old cry. I had lost control of him and myself. I was showing it was okay to scream and be hurtful when you're upset.

I had failed.

A few hugs, two apologies and a few hours later, we were back to normal. We're learning this 3 year old thing together. This is my first time parenting a 3 year old boy and it's his first time being one. We're going to have some mistakes along the way. We're going to have some hurt feelings. That's how it goes. It's my job to raise him up. I remind myself it's a process that takes years. God has chosen me to be his momma. And as long as we have love and forgiveness, we'll be just fine in the end.

kindergarten

Today, we had Bear's first parent-teacher conferences.

He's in pre-school so it wasn't exactly hard core. It was the first time that trained people sat me down and talked about his development. His doctor goes over a few milestones at each well child appointment, but it's always been a "does he do this? okay" type of discussion.

It was weird to have someone give me goals for him. A written list of the things he does well and the things he doesn't. While I might have a been a bit defensive, I think I'm okay with admitting his weaknesses.

Here in the state of Connecticut, the cut off date for starting kindergarten in January 1st. Kids have to be 5 by the January half-way through the school year in order to start. Bear is a December baby so he would be one of the youngest in his class.

We don't have to decide now, but I had wanted to bring up the conversation. He'll only have one more year of pre-school before he starts, and I didn't know if he should be put in with the 4s instead of the 3s.

The teacher commented that she has a November daughter and was told to hold her back because she wasn't able to socially assert herself. That's a fancy way of saying she was shy. She would quietly ask someone to play and if they didn't respond, she would happily play by herself.

And, that's why she didn't start kindergarten until she was 5 and a half.

Since when is being shy an awful trait? Why must every child love playing in large groups and always voice their opinions? This isn't even my kid, and I'm all worked in a tizzy.

It hurts my heart to know that such a stereotype exists. Why can't we just let each kid be himself?

engagement

I have a lot of rules about dating and relationships. I know how it ought to be.

The boy must be taller.

Traditional and outdated. I'm relatively tall for a girl, and I still have night mares of 7th grade dances.

The boy's last name must come alphabetically after the girl's.

It's true love if you move down in alphabet. It's a sacrifice of sorts.

Engagement rings must not be given on birthdays, Christmas or Valentine's Day.

Too predictable and a cop out of getting a gift. Besides, how many people have already done this.

The boy should come to the door to pick up his date.

My mom made some off handed comment when I was 8 about our neighbor's boyfriend honking for her. It stuck.

While I know these are all fake rules and really no indication of a successful relationship, it was really more of a way to know if a boy knew me.

5 years ago today, Hubby proposed to me. A week after Valentine's Day. On a day that had no real significance to either one of us or our relationship.

Exactly as it ought to be.

I had a class that went late, and he always picked me up afterwards. He texted me and we met at the chocolate shop where we had our first "kind of date". It was a little suspicious since I knew he had a ring and I knew he had asked my parents' permission, but nothing happened.

We went back to his house and I went in to check my email on his computer. His away message was "Asking Stephanie to marry me... Shhhh". I turned around and he was down on his knee.

He had thought about asking me while we were out, but we're not the most public of people. It was a moment for just the two of us.

Exactly as it ought to be.

5 years later, I'm still really excited that I said yes.

Exactly as it ought to be.

puritan

A friend this question on Facebook:

Is it okay for a teacher to say "Stop flirting with so-and-so" to a student?

There were tons of responses from mothers saying it should only be done in private, and it's embarrassing to students.

Yes, it is embarrassing. Isn't that the point? The embarrassment ends the behavior.

Am I the only one that thinks shame and embarrassment are fine tactics? I'm not talking excessive amounts here, but the occasional comment and guilt trip are fine in my book. Does anyone else remember the Texas jails that issued the pink jumpsuits? It worked.

I was raised by guilt. My only lasting consequences are my unnecessary apologizes.

It makes me feel like I belong in a Puritan society. Scarlet As are a way better deterrent than prenups.

milspouse friday fill in

I did this the first week and then life got .... life-like and crazy busy. Head over to Wife of a Sailor to see some more.

1. What is your favorite MilSpouse blog (not including Wife of a Sailor who we all love, or your own)?
I love The Mrs at Trying Our Best. She's honest about the struggles of having 3 kids and a hubby that's gone a lot, but not in the "oh I hate the world" way.

2. What are your favorite perks about your s/o being deployed (we all know there are perks)?
The "nice" answer is getting to travel to see him. We were really lucky on his first deployment and I was able to fly to see him twice (and see 4 continents in the process). The more honest answer is that I get my control fix. No compromising and waiting until he's ready to do something. It works out well though because after 6 months of making every single decision, I gladly pass the reigns and let him do his Hubby thing.

3. How long did you date your before getting engaged? Married?
We moved fast. Or at least I thought so until I met other mil spouses. We dated for 3 months and 2 days before we were engaged. I called my mom after our first date and told her we were getting married though so it was no real shock to people. We got married just shy of a year from the day we started dating.

4. What do you think your would do if s/he wasn’t in the military?
Hubby dreams big. Our joke is that he likes jobs that he doesn't have to see me much. I think his current plan is either to get an MBA and work on Wall Street or to go to law school.

5. If you could talk to the Secretary of (fill in your appropriate branch) what is one suggestion you would like to bring to their attention in order to improve the lives of military families?
We matter. How you treat spouses and families impacts job satisfaction and productivity. Please be nice. The Navy is not for forever. Family is.

remember

He won't be this little for long.

He won't want to snuggle me so tight for long.

He won't pick to only be with me for long.

He will always be my baby boy.

Head over to Emily's post to find more pictures of mommas and their babes.

love day celebrations

I love holidays. I'm a sucker for all things holiday related. Bear is at the age where he gets holidays and jumps up and down when he sees things.

I made this. It was filled with little presents from the dollar store. It's going to be a sad day when he no longer gets so excited for a straw and some stickers.

We had heart shaped cookies, heart shaped cake pops and heart shaped Rice Krispie treats.

I used my Cricut (how fun is that to say?) to make this for Hubby. It's filled with words and dates that are important to our relationship.

We had a mini photo shoot before dinner. I saw this idea some where online. You bend a toilet paper roll into a heart shape and can get some cute pictures.

Hubby and I took some pictures. My forever Valentine.