earning my mommy points

I have officially lost count of how many times I have been puked on in the last 36 hours. How I wish 2 year olds could give you a moment of warning before they throw up.

Little Bear, you better remember this when you're picking my nursing home.

Monkey, I know they say no screen time when you're this little, but Momma has to do something to survive. We don't have to share this with all those child experts.

Hubby, I deserve a very nice vacation after deployment.

consequences

The Bear entered our world the day he was considered full term - 37 weeks. I was induced since he had IUGR.

We were told that the risks associated with him being 3 weeks early were less than the risk of him being still born should we wait any longer. Not a tough choice from our point of view - we wanted a living son. Not much else really mattered at that point.

The Bear did have some issues when he was born. He was super small. His lungs weren't fully developed which meant a trip to the NICU and troubles breathing. He didn't know how to suck which made feeding him difficult and trying.

I would gladly take any of those challenges to have The Bear with us today.

There are still consequences from his early entrance into the world that we are discovering. He has had pneumonia on two different occasions in the last year; the first being last Christmas when we were in the PICU. Those little lungs have taken a beating. He's still small although almost comparable to his peers now.

Today, he was diagnosed with asthma and the beginning stages of pneumonia again. The asthma I can handle. It's just a label, and I had it myself when I was a kid. We're back to having breathing treatments every 3 hours until he clears up a bit.

I know we made the right choice. But, I wonder how long we will be discovering the consequences of our actions. How many small little things will The Bear have during his life that remind him of his rocky start? When will I stop feeling guilty for it all?

When it rains, It pours

Today was one of those days when I thought the world was going to end. Now, I'm not like The Bear who feels this way every time he's not eating dinner by 5:05 pm.

I was sick. Very sick. I have no idea why, but my friend who was at the meeting last night had the exact same thing. I'm over it now, but it was a rough 12 hours.

Any time I stood up or sat up, I had extreme nausea. I was throwing up most of the day. The nail in the coffin came around 3 pm.

I ran into the bathroom knowing the goal was just to get there quickly. Of course, The Bear and Puppy had to follow me in, because they ALWAYS follow me in. I can't wait for Hubby to be home so I can go to the washroom by myself. Anyways, I am not throwing up with The Bear and Puppy on my lap. If you've never done this, you are lucky. If you have, you understand. I knew there was a short break before I would throw up again so I flush the toilet.

It's clogged.

The OMG moment has hit. I plop The Bear next to me so I can quickly stand up and scurry to another bathroom. What does The Bear do? For the very first time ever, he flushes the toilet. Now I have water overflowing all over the place and about 2.3 seconds to get to a different bathroom.

Luckily, my quick mom reflexes enabled me to pick up The Bear before he is covered in pukey water. I'm glad today is over. I'm ready for Hubby to be home.

Not Your Traditional Christmas

So I had planned to not write during the Christmas time to spend time with my family and just celebrate every moment possible. I should have known better than to plan.

I knew Hubby was gone so I would need to make a conscious effort to be cheerful and positive about it all. I knew this year would be different than any other Christmas we had celebrated. I knew it wouldn't be right since our family wasn't together. I knew The Bear was really too little to get it and it really would be more bows and ribbons for me than him. I knew our budget allowed a celebration, but nothing too extravagant.

I did not know my Christmas meals would all be eaten in the PICU. I did not know just how different this year would be.

The hardest part of the last 48 hours has been the awkward emails to Hubby. I had promised him an email Christmas Eve night to tell him about our day. We had gone into the ER at 9 pm and haven't made it home yet. I had my mom email him for me, but it bothered me I wasn't able to. A promise is a promise. I knew it would get flagged if certain words were said. It's been hard to write about my day without mentioning hospital, pneumonia and oxygen. It's been a rough few days.

There have been some bright spots.
*They know what's wrong.
*They know how to fix it.
*We are at an excellent hospital with wonderful care.
*We were visiting my parents so the puppy is one less thing to worry about.
*4 different doctors have told me in the last 48 hours how The Bear is a fighter and how tough he is. I will always remember the doctor right after he was born telling me my baby was feisty. He sure is. He is not one to give up.
*The hospital has wifi which is making this all possible to write.
*The American Red Cross was wonderful and able to deliver a message to Hubby to inform him of the hospitalization.

The Bear is making a slow but steady recovery. That is all I wanted for Christmas this year. Well . . . and Hubby home. I guess one is better than none though.