11.02.2009

consequences

The Bear entered our world the day he was considered full term - 37 weeks. I was induced since he had IUGR.

We were told that the risks associated with him being 3 weeks early were less than the risk of him being still born should we wait any longer. Not a tough choice from our point of view - we wanted a living son. Not much else really mattered at that point.

The Bear did have some issues when he was born. He was super small. His lungs weren't fully developed which meant a trip to the NICU and troubles breathing. He didn't know how to suck which made feeding him difficult and trying.

I would gladly take any of those challenges to have The Bear with us today.

There are still consequences from his early entrance into the world that we are discovering. He has had pneumonia on two different occasions in the last year; the first being last Christmas when we were in the PICU. Those little lungs have taken a beating. He's still small although almost comparable to his peers now.

Today, he was diagnosed with asthma and the beginning stages of pneumonia again. The asthma I can handle. It's just a label, and I had it myself when I was a kid. We're back to having breathing treatments every 3 hours until he clears up a bit.

I know we made the right choice. But, I wonder how long we will be discovering the consequences of our actions. How many small little things will The Bear have during his life that remind him of his rocky start? When will I stop feeling guilty for it all?