Missing Daddy

Ever since we got home from the last trip to visit hubby, the bear has been having a heck of a time readjusting himself. Anytime I leave his sight (or you know put him down) he screams. Right now, he's supposed to be napping. He's screaming instead. It's gotten so bad that once I even lift him above his crib he screams.

My son is feisty. We've always known that. The doctor told us that right after he was born - followed by the comment "I wouldn't want to baby-sit him when he's 2". He was the child that cried for 4 hours straight when he was a month old and we were trying to transition him from our bed to the crib. (He didn't quit then, I had to cave to feed him) We waited and he had been sleeping and napping in there since he was 4 months old just fine.

It just breaks my heart listening to him cry. I know he's safe, fed and clean. Most importantly, he's very tired and needs a nap. We made him this way though. We took away his daddy. He's too little to understand 6 months and coming back, but he sure gets the daddy left part.

He's so small, but he understands so much.


Feeling like a pagan

I am feeling a bit like a heathen.

We celebrate Halloween.

I decorate the house, dress up my son and revel in the festivities.

I never knew it was such an evil thing. As a child, my family always celebrated Halloween. Picking out a costume was almost as important as school supply shopping. I trick or treated, ate too much candy and had a wonderful time.

As a Christian mommy, I'm learning all these things are bad. I didn't know Halloween was so controversial. I was raised in a Christian home where we went to church every week, said or prayers and didn't watch TV shows with questionable morals (I still feel guilty watching Roseanne or The Simpsons). How did we miss the Halloween is evil message?

I was talking to some other mommies and was completely shocked at how they don't want their children to partake in such a demonic activity. Demonic? I thought it was a chance to be silly. When else is every little boy going to live out his dream of being a baseball player and little girl be a princess? I guess I always experienced fun and happy Halloween not the creepy kind.

I know choosing my friends now is just as important as when I was 14. It's hard for me to find other mommies trying to strike that same balance. There are the very conservative mommies who are typically a little too conservative for me. And, there are those that really have no interest in church-like things.

Is there a mommy like me somewhere in that mess? I want to celebrate Halloween and still go to church on Sunday. Is that possible?


2 Down, Forever to go!

Happy anniversary, Hubby!

In two years, we've:
Honeymooned in Jamaica
Hosted Thanksgiving at our first apartment for both families the day after we got back from the honeymoon (not my brightest idea, but I'm glad we did it)
Hubby graduated
Hubby was commissioned as an Officer
Drove the entire length of Illinois (that's 6 hours folks) on Christmas to be with both families
Moved to South Carolina
Got our puppy
Had the most romantic Valentine's Day ever
Survived power school and shift work at prototype
Took a cruise to the Bahamas
Had a baby (sort of big one)
Moved to Connecticut via Illinois with a baptism and Easter along the way
Lived in a hotel for 3 weeks
Got almost halfway through deployment #1

I'm sure his list would be more like: 2 Cubbie games, 1 Yankee game, 1 Mets game
which is why this picture is so us. He's pretty lovable.

2 years down, forever to go! I love you!

PS. I know it's not technically the 28th yet here, but I'm guessing it is where ever you're out swimming.

Missing hubby

Typically, I like to think that my hubby and I are on fairly even ground. Neither one of us would like to trade places with the other. Neither one of us has the "easy job". He's stuck in a metal tube with 180 other guys, but I have the stinky diapers, screaming and snow to shovel.

It seems pretty fair to me.

Last night, I was knocked down to mere mortal from my mom status though. I'm not sure if it was a bout with an early flu or something I ate, but I was not in good shape. The bear was also not in good shape. He was not sick, but he wanted to be held and entertained.

The bathroom only provides so much entertainment to a 10 month old. I finally had a long enough break to quickly get him ready for bed and in his crib. He was mad. But, at the point his screaming was not a top priority. He was fed, clean and safe. Happiness had to be put aside for the evening.

It was one of the few times where I was floundering. I needed hubby. Or my mom. Or a mute button. I am so very grateful hubby will only be gone 6 months. I can't imagine being in that situation with a toddler. Or multiple kids. Single moms - you're amazing. You have my respect.


You understand?

Tonight I had a lovely dinner with 3 other wives from hubby's boat. It was the best Saturday night I've had since they've left. It was an amazing to be with a group of girls who understood. We're all experiencing the same emotions. The same journey.

We had a discussion on how others have no clue what it's like. I would never wish it on anyone. It's hard. It stinks. But, it makes you stronger. It can strengthen your marriage. It empowers you.

Other military wives, I am officially giving you permission (because I obviously have the power) to do what you need to survive without hubby. You can go shopping and spend that $20 on a shirt for you. You can go out to eat with some girl friends. You can go over your cell phone minutes talking to your mom. You can take off work to go visit your hubby if you have the chance. You can sit at home at have a pity party occasionally. You can create a blog to release all those crazy emotions. I am not allowing you to be stupid. No cheating. No drugs. Nothing that hurts others. Do not recklessly blow all your money. Just remember you need some TLC during this.

And for the general public, please do not tell us "you understand". No you don't. Your attempt at empathy by sharing how your husband went out of town for business for a whole week will only make us want to throw something at you. You had the phone. You had email. You had no fear for his life. I'm sure you mean well, but it's often taken like a slap in the face. It would be like having a loved one diagnosed with cancer and a stranger telling you of a cold her child had. Sort of the same, but not really.

Find the people that do understand. Really understand. I can promise you there is another lonely wife out there who would love to be your dinner date.


To create an awkward pause . . .

Ask a military spouse where she's from.

Well, right now we live in Connecticut.
We moved here from South Carolina. But, we were only there 13 months, and I hated every moment of it. Are we from there?
We were in central Illinois before that. That's where we went to college and met each other. Our relationship is from there.
I grew up in the Chicago area.
But, I was born in Springfield.

Such a complicated answer to an innocent question.

The answer gets even harder when we're on vacation. Do these people mean where we started vacation from? Where our accents are from? Where we are registered voters? Do I need to go into hubby's military status? Am I going to get a lecture about Iraq if I say so?

Hubby and I are in our third state since our wedding. We've been married 23 months. I find that pretty impressive. Especially if you add in the move just prior to our wedding when we merged into our first apartment together. That was the only move we did by ourselves. (We quickly learned if we would like to get married and stay married, a vow to have movers was vital.)

I am so grateful to get to experience different parts of our country. I'm a born traveler. But, it does make for some awkward pauses in conversations.


Making family

For all the craziness the Navy brings to our family, it brings some amazing friendships. Every place we have lived I have been blessed enough to find at least one really good friend.

The interesting thing is if I had met them in any other circumstance, we probably would not have been friends. There is something about going through the same emotional roller coasters that brings us wives together.

These ladies don't just become friends though. They become family. We see each other regularly, gossip on the phone, deal with leaking pipes and temper tantrums as a team and lean on each other. We celebrate the holidays together - real ones like Halloween and made up ones like Half-Way Night. We don't all have the same goals or personalities, but that's how families work. Some you become very close to and some you simply tolerate. We didn't pick each other. We were put together by some higher power. Real families are planned by God. Navy families are planned by the government.

Some ladies wait to meet each other or are hesitant to get involved. To me that's foolish. We only have 3 years here. I don't have 8 months to waste sitting around having a pity party by myself. Now I have guests at my pity parties.

While I may be hundreds of miles from my biological family (945.64 according to mapquest.com), I have built a new family here. I will sad to see them move on - literally move on. But, I know there will always be new wives out there. I'm always ready to make a bigger family.