Feeling awkward

The holidays are quickly approaching. Because I am the only one aware of that.

Anyways, we have successfully gotten through my birthday, Hubby's birthday, our anniversary, Thanksgiving and The Bear's birthday during this deployment. The days have had their somber moments, but I think I've gotten through them fairly well.

I'm a little hesitant about Christmas though. It's so big and has so many traditions and memories attached. The Bear and I are trekking back to Illinois to celebrate with my parents.

While I am glad to have them to be with, it feels weird. That's not my home. A part of me wants to stay here. This is our home. I should be hanging out here in my jammies surrounded my wrapping paper.

It just seems like a no win situation. I know if I was here, I would be lonely. I know if I go back, I will be lonely.

It's just not the same without Hubby. My heart aches already.

I guess all I can do is home next year, he'll be here celebrating with us at home. Just how it ought to be.